HIV: ON LIVING-TAKING CONTROL: DIVIDE AND CONQUER

by admin on February 26th, 2011. Filed under HIV: (Comments 0)
Cut overwhelming and insoluble problems into manageable, solvable ones. People have various ways of doing this.
Divide problems into those that have solutions and those that do not, and focus on the problems that have solutions. Helen had been thinking about dying and worrying about how her family would deal with her death. She could not annul the fact that her death would create problems for her family, so she decided to solve a smaller problem. “I am a real junk collector,” she said. “I thought, if I died tomorrow, would my family want this twelve-year-old perfume? I’ve pitched out so much I didn’t need. I went through them and laughed and laughed—at the prices, at the styles. I threw out two of my three corkscrews. I threw everything out. My
surroundings are so much more comfortable, and now my family won’t have to sort through all that junk.”
Focus on short-term problems. Alan had been angry and depressed because he was just becoming established in his career when he began getting sick. After talking to his counselor and his partner, he decided not to focus on his long-term career goals—”I gave up on rich and famous,” he says. Instead, he makes only short-term goals he knows he can accomplish. He has a kit for a grandfather clock he wants to build. He’d like to learn some Italian. When he accomplishes those goals, he says, he will make some more. He tries not to “get upset if the goals don’t get accomplished.”
What this tactic comes down to is this: avoid looking at the whole picture and trying to solve everything at once. Steven says he lives from one day to the next, and does only what is necessary to get through each day. He says he solves only small problems, one at a time, and trusts they will add up. June says that a caregiver needs to do exactly the same: “I concentrate only on making a particular day better,” she said. “I just don’t bother with the big picture.”
Like Steven, Dean says he has learned to stop worrying about overwhelming problems. He tries to change only what he can: “I always tried so hard to change things I couldn’t. Realistically I can’t change my problems—the only way not to have problems is to be dead. And I can realistically change myself. I forgot I could make myself happy. I am as happy or unhappy as I decide to be. I’m surprised at how happy I am, and it’s not in spite of the problems. There are happy people with problems.” In short, take it a little at a time. Expect of yourself only what is reasonable. Try not to borrow trouble or worry about what might happen or cross bridges before you come to them. Be easy on yourself.
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HIV: ON LIVING-TAKING CONTROL: DIVIDE AND CONQUERCut overwhelming and insoluble problems into manageable, solvable ones. People have various ways of doing this.     Divide problems into those that have solutions and those that do not, and focus on the problems that have solutions. Helen had been thinking about dying and worrying about how her family would deal with her death. She could not annul the fact that her death would create problems for her family, so she decided to solve a smaller problem. “I am a real junk collector,” she said. “I thought, if I died tomorrow, would my family want this twelve-year-old perfume? I’ve pitched out so much I didn’t need. I went through them and laughed and laughed—at the prices, at the styles. I threw out two of my three corkscrews. I threw everything out. My surroundings are so much more comfortable, and now my family won’t have to sort through all that junk.”     Focus on short-term problems. Alan had been angry and depressed because he was just becoming established in his career when he began getting sick. After talking to his counselor and his partner, he decided not to focus on his long-term career goals—”I gave up on rich and famous,” he says. Instead, he makes only short-term goals he knows he can accomplish. He has a kit for a grandfather clock he wants to build. He’d like to learn some Italian. When he accomplishes those goals, he says, he will make some more. He tries not to “get upset if the goals don’t get accomplished.”     What this tactic comes down to is this: avoid looking at the whole picture and trying to solve everything at once. Steven says he lives from one day to the next, and does only what is necessary to get through each day. He says he solves only small problems, one at a time, and trusts they will add up. June says that a caregiver needs to do exactly the same: “I concentrate only on making a particular day better,” she said. “I just don’t bother with the big picture.”     Like Steven, Dean says he has learned to stop worrying about overwhelming problems. He tries to change only what he can: “I always tried so hard to change things I couldn’t. Realistically I can’t change my problems—the only way not to have problems is to be dead. And I can realistically change myself. I forgot I could make myself happy. I am as happy or unhappy as I decide to be. I’m surprised at how happy I am, and it’s not in spite of the problems. There are happy people with problems.” In short, take it a little at a time. Expect of yourself only what is reasonable. Try not to borrow trouble or worry about what might happen or cross bridges before you come to them. Be easy on yourself.*237\191\2*