Herbal Health

It’s hard to think back to then, but it seems like we never really dated in the formal sense. We just sort of found each other, went out, and assumed we would marry. Come to think of it, I never asked her.

HUSBAND

The following five rules appeared repeatedly in the courtship stories of the thousand couples. Even those couples who had been childhood sweethearts, never dating anyone else, experienced aspects of each of the following rules. Do you remember any of this? Talk about it with your spouse. Take your own bonding history.

Rule One: You Always Lie to the One You Love

Never, but never, tell the complete truth too soon to someone who might be a possible bonding partner. Keep your emotional cards close to your vest. If things get serious, you can always modify any lies later. The idea now is to present yourself, not represent yourself.

The rule seems to mean to be careful, because if you start telling your real feelings too soon, you might develop even more real feelings without sufficient time to get ready for them. The truth is a serious thing, and no one tells the truth early in a relationship, because you should not get too serious too soon.

Rule Two: Declare Romantic Immunity

State early, often, and loudly that you are not looking for a commitment at this time. Of course, a commitment is exactly what you are looking for, but you must maintain immunity from being hurt yourself and be available just in case another, better partner comes along. If it gets out that you are looking for a serious relationship, it may weaken your position in the pursuer/pursuee game.

Rule Three: Always Be the Pursued, Not the Pursuer

Try to give your number and have the other person call you. You must create the illusion that your romantic options are endless and any person interested in you may have to wait in a long line. Never answer the phone with “Oh great, I was hoping against hope that you would be calling.” Answer instead with, “Yes, I think I remember you.” All of us have only a limited number of people to choose from, but we must never let that be known to each other.

*44\97\8*

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