COMING HOME WITH YOUR NEW BABY: BUILDING YOUR CONFIDENCE AS A PARENT

by admin on May 19th, 2009. Filed under General health

The less confidence you have as a parent to begin with, the more likely you are to end up having feelings of not being able to cope. Confidence is built on a number of factors, which include previous positive experiences of being a parent. You may feel that you are the only one in the world experiencing problems with a new baby. Speaking to others who have been through a similar experience — and there are many — can be very helpful.

Enlisting the practical support of your partner, of grandparents, relatives, friends and neighbours is very important, as it helps ease the burden. Support given by your doctor or maternal and child health nurse can also be very reassuring.

When you are a new parent, everybody seems to want to give you advice. This will often come uninvited from people standing behind you in supermarket queues or at the bus stop. Even though people are generally well-meaning, the advice given is often conflicting or just plain wrong. Don’t waste your energy getting angry about people trying to tell you what to do. Listen to those whom you trust, assess the factual accuracy of what you are told, and make your decisions using your own common sense and instincts as your guide. After all, no one knows your child better than you do.

Society tries to idealise mothers and babies, from the Madonna and child right down to washing powder advertisements. External pressure to be seen as ‘coping’ is sometimes enormous. Being confident in yourself and knowing that you cannot be perfect will help you to see through these false expectations and values. We can only encourage you to follow your own feelings and trust your own judgment.

Parents who generally feel positive about things tend to take child-rearing more in their stride than those who are anxious and tentative. However, having a baby with an easy-going temperament makes it easy for any parent to feel that they are doing the right thing. On the other hand a fussy, intense and whingey baby who feeds and sleeps erratically will constantly raise doubts and guilt feelings in even the most self-assured or parents. It is all too easy to blame yourself it a baby does not settle. Often, however, very difficult behaviour can be attributed solely to the baby, and try as you may, you will not be able to pacify him. Understanding that the baby’s behaviour has nothing to do with your own parenting skills often allows you to take a more objective view of your child. This may be the first important step to gaining control of things again.

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