CHILDHOOD SEXUALITY: ENCOUNTERS WITH PARENTS – I

by admin on March 25th, 2009. Filed under Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction

The child’s first ideas about marriage are based upon what he or she observes in the parents’ behavior and on the encounters with the parents. He or she is aware that emotion and affection are or are not displayed, that sharing does or does not take place, and that thoughtfulness and concern are or are not shown. Later on, he or she seeks to emulate or reject their patterns of behavior. On the other hand, most children do not learn much about sexual behavior even from parents who accept their own sexual activity and enjoy it, if the parents desire privacy and need to keep their sexuality secret from the child. Children often contribute to the parents’ felt need of secrecy by showing disgust or rejection of the sex displays of their parents. Young people often report that any sight of their parents showing affection toward each other embarrassed them as children.

From survey data and from case histories we must conclude that usually whenever a young child in the United States engages verbally or physically in a sexual encounter with a parent, the situation is usually one of conflict rather than accommodation, cooperation, and affection. Most sexual encounters between children and their parents are with the parent not as a participant in the encounter but as an observer of a sexual encounter between the child and a peer. The parent often makes his appearance unexpectedly and puts a stop to the activity.

The child also learns what the prevailing adult attitudes are toward sex even without parental interference in direct encounters. The tone of voice in which gossip is relayed warns him to avoid becoming a subject for similar gossip. The care and circumlocution with which certain matters of sex are avoided in books, in the press, and in other public communications subtly reminds the child of the state of public opinion on these matters. Discussions of such things as divorce, marital discord, sexual scandals in the community and gossip about public figures probably have more influence in controlling the child’s behavior than any specific action that society may take or any legal penalties. Given a framework of repression and avoidance by parents and other adults and by adult-sponsored agencies, the child receives the bulk of its sexual information, though not attitudes, but through peer relationships. The parents do not provide cognitive information about sexuality for the child, but they create attitudes and orientations through which information from other children is filtered.

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