Sex (or engaging in sexual contact, to be more specific), is a natural thing. Biologically it is what we animals are made for, and it is an important part of our instinctive drive to survive and reproduce. But we humans are not like other animals in many ways. Our sexual behaviour is one of the things which distinguishes us. Because it is such an important part of our lives, not getting it right can cause a great deal of stress and trauma. When it all happens well, it can be the best thing since, well, anything.
Most of us learn about sex as we grow up. We go from a state of not being consciously aware of the sexual nature of the world, to often thinking we know it all. Then many of us go through a stage of realising that there is a lot more to learn. This second stage of enlightenment usually coincides with recognising that we were learning the wrong stuff in the beginning.
The common images we see of sexual contact make it seem fairly exciting, glamorous, and universally satisfying. We see a beautiful couple on the screen, wrestling passionately and wildly until they both have simultaneous orgasms, amid shots of waves crashing on the shore, and stallions rearing up on their haunches.
The harsh, cold reality is that sex is rarely like it is on the screen, or in books and magazines. It is not all gloom and doom. There are traps for young (and old) players, but it can also be a pretty special thing to share an intimate, sexual relationship. It can be better than on the screen. It can be absolutely fantastic.
It is not somebody’s place to tell you whether or not you should be having sex, with whom, or how often, or in what positions, or pass moral judgements about sexual behaviours. The responsibility for your sexual (and other) choices rests entirely with you. Acting on your choices, however, should not infringe the rights of other people. Sexual activity should only take place between consenting participants.
What is this thing called sex? It is how babies are made. That is what we are taught when we are little. We may also be taught that it is a special thing that daddies and mummies do when they love each other very much. No one does it in public. Nice people don’t talk about it.
If we are lucky, we learn about the mechanics of sex—what fits where in order to make babies—in reproductive biology lessons, sometimes called sex education. But otherwise, we are usually on our own to glean as much information as we can from any sources. A lot of this will come from other kids, who in fact don’t know much more than us, or from ‘folk lore sexuality’, which usually hands down time-honoured traditional lies and misinformation.
Obviously, as humans, we do have sex a bit more often than is absolutely necessary for having babies. It therefore has other uses. It is, generally, an extremely pleasant and enjoyable recreational activity. Because it is such an intimate thing to do, and we tend not to have sex with just anyone, it serves a purpose in relationships.
There have been sex scientists for years exploring the scientific intricacies of sex, measuring bits and pieces during different phases of stimulation and arousal, etc. They have been useful in many ways, in letting us know how normal we really are, and getting people talking about sex. Unfortunately some have just added to the confusion.
The common names used for sex include: having sex, sexual intercourse, making love, coitus, screwing, fucking, rooting, doing it, bonking, banging, and many more (please, feel free to make up your own). Because there are so many different names used, and we have already established that we don’t often know what we are talking about, we should probably sort out a few things.
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